8 years and counting

The thing about being married eight years is that you really begin to forget how life was before marriage. It's foggy. I can remember parts but they seem so distant and fuzzy. I never could have dreamt a few short years ago that I would be HERE, living this life, with two wavy haired boys and one hunk of a bald man exploring the world together. These boys who make up our lives, literally, have such distinct traits of their parents; their looks and personalities are so us. Sometimes its like looking in a mirror at the mishmash of Nate and I as one. We worry about certain traits, we commiserate about others, we live in joy at how vividly we see each other in our boys. Is there really a greater gift in a marriage?




For our anniversary this year, we revisited one of our favorite locations: Boracay. Just a hop skip and a jump (and a 45 minute flight) from Manila is where the powdery white sand meets the clear blue ocean which blends into the crisp blue sky. It's truly heaven. We spent 5 days in this blissful location with our little family and some help from our friends (Yaya Carol) at an amazing villa at the Shangrila.

Happy 8 years to the man who makes my heart beat a little bit faster when he enters the room, the amazing father to our beautiful boys and the one who makes this amazing life that we live possible.

Grateful: tres

You know those moments in life where you experience something, live something, see something that will forever change you? Those times where you know you aren't the same person walking out as walked in? Those moments are kind of scary. Sad-scary, funny-scary, exciting-scary.

I remember so many of them. The day I gave up a belief. The second I saw him laying there and started CPR but already knew it was too late. The day I said "yes." The loud beating of my heart after the slam of the phone. The day I walked off that plane. The moment I decided to not feel guilt about my decision.

They are branded in your memory. They change you.

This weekend I had a changing moment as I spent time with these beautiful children who have nothing. Not "nothing" by our standards, but nothing by any standards. They don't have food on a regular basis or clean clothes or clean water. Most certainly they don't have education which is a fundamental solution to poverty. Not everyone who has a job is rich, but everyone who has an education has the opportunity for a job.



But what they do have is heart, and a need to be loved, and cared for and felt as if they matter to someone and to me and many other volunteers who give their time and money and heart and soul, they do matter.
Today I am not the same person as I was last week.
How could I be?
And grateful?
How could I not be?

Grateful; deux

When I watch photos scroll through the apple tv, or across my computer screen I am taken aback by the emotions some of them evoke. Photography has such amazing power over emotions. So, today I am grateful for my eye, for my camera and ability to capture moments that move me and hopefully move others as well.

In December I was invited to take photos of the girls at one of the orphanages here in the city as part of their Christmas suprise. The girls were so shy and yet so excited! Some a really hard time getting up the confidence to "work it" for me and my camera. To be able to show them just how gorgeous they are and how beautiful their spirits are was very rewarding for me.

Its a great year to be grateful; ONE

I have decided this year I want to be more aware and take into account of all the things and people and places and moments that I am grateful for. I want to really recognize and give heed to those times where time slows for just a bit and there is a realization of blessed moment.

Days go by at lightening speed and I hope as these things come out I will be able to slow down and really live in and savor these moments of gratitude.

As I sat with little FinRo this morning watching Dora as we drank our green smoothies I looked down at him sitting in my lap and saw this amazing head of curls.

A head of curls that always make me smile as the come bouncing my way. Is it bad to covet such lovely locks of hair? I do. They just curl up so perfectly into little spit curls all over his head. My Grandmother would have given her eye teeth to have such curls. It's true, she told me so!

The chaos

What is it about the Holiday season that sends a cold chill up my spine? The chaos of it all is palpable. My heart quickens, my palms are sweaty and I feel myself coming down with a fever. Even the task of opening the advent calendar each day give me a sick feeling in my stomach. Always too much to do, so many to greet and what seems like a festivity to attend every night. All on top of the normal, already hectic life. It's suppose to be enjoyable, it used to be enjoyable but this year, not so much.

I find myself constantly forgetting and the only thing worse than forgetting is remembering. Remembering things I have forgotten. Aaaack!

Even with early preparation; the trees have been up since Halloween, some gifts have been ordered and shipped to the US address months ago and most are on their way now. Even as I write this my mind is buzzing with what else needs to get accomplished. Maybe it's the travel of last month mixed with the travel of this month. This will be our first time traveling "home" over the Holiday. We have become accustomed to the Island Christmas, laid back and at the beach! Clearly that is more my style.

The first part of this post was written a few weeks ago and of course, I forgot to post it. Remember; the forgetting. :) Things seem to be a bit more under control now. The final planned party of the year is out of the way, all the gifts have been sorted, the cards printed and ready to be delivered. Santa's letter has been sent and the kids are eager to get back to the loving arms of their grandparents.

With only a few things on the agenda, I can now countdown on one hand. Two days of running left, one day of tennis, one more playdate, the last batch of cookies, one more round of golf and a few random things. I am still hoping for SNOW (please don't let us down Utah!) and the warmth of the big fireplace. I love climbing into a a cold bed in the middle of the winter and snuggling down into the layers of blankets. I look forward to getting up in the early morning and feeling the cold floor underfoot. I'm looking forward to the smell of winter and the way that the cold air feels like icicles in your nose and the way Christmas lights glow when they are under a thick layer of snow. Home cooked classics, funny stories and staying up way too late. Christmas carols are starting to bring a tear to my eye because I know what it's like to dream of a white Christmas. So, I suppose the chaos is well worth it. Especially on that "oh so early morning" when the magic lives on in our children.

Luck of the Irish

Then we clicked our heels three times and found ourselves in Ireland. Any city would fade in comparison to Paris but Dublin is a lovely little city, at least what we saw of it. Truth be told at this point in the vacation we were all exhausted and Nate was working all day and had dinners every night so it was just the three of us left to wander around. It was much colder than in France and taking on yet another map and lonely planet guide was just a bit much for this Mom. Luckily we had a great hotel in the Grafton Street region of Dublin and we managed to stay in that area the entire time. Not a bad area to stay in, I might add; lots of shops full of bits and bobs. Ireland is in a bit of financial crisis right now and the tone couldn't be missed. It was much like our first trip back to the States after the downfall, you can sense the stress and tension in people. That being said, it was a welcome and friendly reprieve from the slight French intimidation and we felt right at home. Couldn't understand the Irish any more than the French though. And that part was in English!

We shopped a bit, played at the gorgeous park nearby and basically just bummed around. The hotel manager and I became great friends due to some minor tears at the beginning of our stay and he made us feel at home in a great big suite with warm milk and cookies and bottles of wine. See, already just like home.



We celebrated Thanksgiving in Dublin with not Turkey but sheppards pie and Guinness. It doesn't matter what you eat as long as you are celebrating the things that you are most grateful for. An amazing family, beautiful healthy children, top notch friends, a warm bed and a fabulous vacation.

Paris continued

There's not much better than exploring Paris on a crisp winter day with no plan or agenda. That seemed to be the tone of the holiday for us. We had plenty of time and no where to be so that is what we did. Since Finn has been around, we have become early risers but it was so dark in the mornings that we didn't venture outside until at least 9am. We opted for an apartment in the city rather than a hotel so we were lucky to have the extra space and in particular, the kitchen for breakfast.







Holden and Finnley both were enthralled with all things outdoors. The cafes, the parks, the street mimes as well as all the other street performers, the pigeons and Holden in particular the beggars. He has such an empathetic little soul and I am quite sure we spent most money on our trip on the street. Especially if someone was cold or had an animal, his coins went straight into their cup. One night we had walked past someone with a puppy. Holden asked for some coins but we told him if he wanted to use his, it was fine but we were done financing his goodwill for the day. He took his coin out of his coat pocket, looked at it and then followed us down the street. Halfway down the block he yelled out for us to wait and ran back to the man with the puppy and deposited his 2 euros. I never want to forget that moment. A few other things he noticed about Paris included how dirty it was, there was a lot of litter and graffiti and oh the leaves (he thought that was trash as well) and I suppose that along with the old buildings equals dirty in his mind. Once again bringing out his delusional enchantment with the Philippines where he goes from one manicured lawn to the next. He is completely unaware of the poverty where he lives. We also noticed we have a little Marxist on our hands. "One day, when I am President of Paris, I will put cameras everywhere to catch people drawing graffiti and littering and then I will throw them in jail."

Paris is truly gorgeous at night. It's alive, and you can feel it. I like that. A lot.





Nate stayed with us a few days then left us to our own devices as he headed up to Dublin for work. I opted for a few extra days in the City of Lights with the boys. Wow, that was exhausting. Single parenting in a foreign city. I don't remember the last time I was on my own with the kids but I guarantee I won't forget THIS time. Finnley managed to find his way to my bed after Nate left and also managed to tumble out of said bed during the night. Not uncommon, but it was a high bed and the floor, well it was rough red patio tile. I didn't think much of it, I picked him up, cuddled him and he fell back asleep all without any lights on. The next morning as he stumbled out into the living room I noticed he serious road rash upside his face. My first thought was Disneyland or hospital. Anyone, knowing our past travel sagas wouldn't even flinch. I chose Disneyland. No photos you ask? Nope, with the chaos of the morning getting to the station in time, etc I managed to leave all cameras and video cameras behind. Nice going! I had my iPhone for a few shots until the battery died. In a way it was nice though to just enjoy the day without worrying about capturing it. It was a LONG COLD day, but the boys were in heaven and in return, so was I. The happiest place on earth was magical as ever, maybe even more so in French. Have you heard a Disney princess speaking French, it's much more princess-like. Add to that the Christmas feel and voila, there you have it; Magical!

Getting to Dublin the next day seemed like an easy enough feat. Except that we didn't leave until that night and the airport that we had to fly out of was an hour and half out of the city and we had to check out of our apartment by noon. I had some options laid out on how to entertain two boys for eight hours outside of a hotel but it turns out I only needed one: Jardin du Luxembourg. Hours upon hours of entertainment and another mom with two boys (Hi Dawn!)it was an epic win for all of us. Sure, I had to catch Finn as he was falling off the kiddie playground but you know, that's par for the course these days.

Paris was amazing yes, even more amazing seeing it through the eyes of our children. The Eiffel tower at night, the parks, the pigeons at Notre Dame, the artists at Mont Marte, the chasing of bubbles at the Sacre Coeur, the copious amounts of cheese and wine and baguettes, the art, the architecture. I am not sure why anyone would move away from this place. Paris is more child friendly than most places we have travelled. There is something for everyone here.

and the beat keeps coming

We have this neat little thing in our family where 7 days after we Nate or I has a birthday one of our children has one as well. It's really easy for everyone to remember.

Finnley Roarke is 2 today! Little chubba chub, Finro, FinnBoo, Bunso is two. How can it be that he has only been with us for two years. It feels like he has been a part of our family for so much longer.

As we all walk around in this fog of jetlag, we will celebrate this littlest with ice cream (his favorite, he walks around all day saying "Ice, Ice!") cupcakes balloons, gifts and close friends.

Finnley, you are such a big part of our lives. I mean big literally, you have a huge personality. Everything you do is with vigor and zest. Even waking up in the mornings is a momentous occasion in your book and you let everyone within earshot know that YOU HAVE AWOKEN. You jump through life, skipping and dancing throughout the day. In between those moments you melt into frequent puddles of tantrums, but then are back to your extreme zeal for life. I love the passion in you. I love you at this age in particular as you start to communicate so fully with words and body language. You adore your brother and your daddy and you tease them fully and completely and they deserve every little bit of it! You are a mamas boy, and oh how I adore that as well. Your passport is almost full. You have travelled to 11 different countries, many of them multiple times and you have rocked every single one of them in some way. Finn, you have changed us, you have "tamed" us for the good. We love you.

“To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world…” The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry



In typical second child fashion I have just realized I didn't post Finnleys 1st birthday photos last year! Really? I must have been in some sort of fog back then as well, here they are:







And from his birthday this year: